I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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