Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
