Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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