When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
