need another drink. this is the easiest way
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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