Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
