my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
