yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
