dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
