even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
