I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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