Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
