I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
