My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
