i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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