Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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