and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
