I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
