we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
