so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
