took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
