i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
