I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
