The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
