Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
