remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
