I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
