If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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