she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
