New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
