I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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