So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
