I am puke
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
