Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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