Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
