Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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