Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I checked into jail on foursquare
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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