guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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