You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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