he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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