did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
