Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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