her vagine was all disorganized.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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