3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
