I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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