I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
