I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
