I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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