we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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