Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
