My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
