I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
