I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
