Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
