Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
