other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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