She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
